| Monday, May 23rd, 2005 |
| 11:54 pm |
Monday
what a terrible mess i've made of my life. |
| Sunday, May 22nd, 2005 |
| 10:11 pm |
Sunday
I've made a huge mistake. |
| Thursday, May 5th, 2005 |
| 9:26 pm |
Hott Jobbs!
Can you add?! Do you enjoy staright lines?! Have you ever considered yourself a "big baby?!" Can you call England on the telephone?! Than picture yourslef in the high-profile marketplace of ideas! Find the cliche that works for you! Fill out your favorite pants! Be an "individual!" Can you enjoy tea? Go back to France then you tea bag! Have you ever fired a gun?! Do you think about sex with your cousin as a 'last resort?!' Climb aboard the fantastimical, whimlastical, chim-cham-chesticle train of refrences! Stick your penis in the ultra-jumbo, spotlessly-clean, fabulously-famous 'opening of ideas!' Don't forget your registration fee! It's FREE! Current Mood:  autisticCurrent Music: Morrissey - Late Night, Maudlin Street |
| Thursday, April 28th, 2005 |
| 8:46 pm |
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| Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005 |
| 3:18 pm |
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| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 |
| 12:33 pm |
a week in the life of...
Day one: Unable to get out of bed I decided that I was an astronaut in suspended animation on a top secret mission to the moon. Day two: Began a frightning, dizzying trek to the front door after much loud knocking dragged me out of bed. Made it halfway before face planting into the carpet. The screaming on the other side sounded like my girlfriend but she kept refering to herself as my 'ex-girlfriend.' Also I think I have a beard now but I can't tell since my face is in the carpet. Day three: Discovered a new technique for getting water without having to risk standing up. If I just scream in a made up asian language at the strange man who has been sleeping in my bathtub he will eventually bring me some. Day four: Played a new game I made up today called Glass Masters where I thow my water glass at the man and it hits him in the face and cuts him and then I laugh. It was fun. Also after closer inspection in a reflective surface I discover that my eyes have, in fact, not been burned shut by a cigar. Day five: Threw up in a 10-year-old girl's hair. She calls herself my daughter but she doesn't fuck like my daughter. Day six: The fire department has been snooping around outside and also knocking on the door and calling the house which is weird becasue that fire went out hours ago. Day seven: Decided it would be best to not open a hole in my skull with a screwdriver, but I don't know how else to get it out. |
| Wednesday, January 12th, 2005 |
| 6:51 pm |
Arthur!
Since I'm bored lately I thought I'd write up a bunch of short children's books. I mean, I still LIKE kids shows. I still LIKE Doug and Arthur and Danny Phantom and all that stuff and since I've written long winded 'grown up' shit I thought I'd try to write something 'for the kids.' Plus I hear that's where the money is now anyway, since everybody has a fucking novel, manuscript or screenplay they want to sell. But kids' books! Ca-ching! (The sound I assume money makes.) The only problem is I can't get a good solid idea about what to write about, or what kind of characters to make. And I realized that all the ideas that ever climb into my head revolve around suicide, death, gay sex and child abuse and while those themes might seem 'revolutionary' for the child book market I don't think I could sell them to a publisher or be allowed to leave the building before they called the police. :( Current Mood:  frustratedCurrent Music: Terror Sheets - What This Means |
| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
| 9:05 pm |
one more thing to do
30 or whatever. Say see you later livejournal im going to chicago for a couple of weeks dont make a mess hahaha i know you wont! Things I can do while driving for 20 hours: 1. laugh the entire time! 2. listen to a musical cd! 3. smile at car neighbors! 4. drive silly! 5. make up a fresh prince episode in my brain! 6. be a teenager and be rebellious! :o 7. play shouting numbers! 8. pick up hitchhikers! 9. be careful! 10. get tired of driving! Current Mood:  driving!Current Music: the driving brothers - driving time |
| Monday, November 29th, 2004 |
| 9:31 pm |
Things to do when youre bored and everone else is working or somewhere else!
1. Jump INTO a time machine! 2. make a cake and eat it with your whole face! 3. splash in the hose in the neighbors yard and pet their cats! 4. get as many girls pregnent as you can in one go! 5. try to see if you can balance a checkbook! 6. put on make up and go to the school to give the kids a lecture about the civil war! 7. make your food into real friends! 8. make a list! 9. fight crieminals by telling the police on them! 10. try to see if you can hurt your eyes by trying REAL hard! 11. visit a retirement home and sit on the old peoples laps! 12. have a furnature party (only furniture invited!)! 13. laugh real loud and then do it agian louder! see if you can beat your own record! 14. try not to get too drunk! (good luck haha!) 15. dont have a job! 16. pretend you are a robot that cant see cars and run straight down the road! 17. have a good time with some new friends at the laundry mat! 18. think of your favorite jokes and try to make them into a song! 19. send yourself a letter in the mail and act surprised when it comes! 20. treat a little kid to a nice dinner becasue they got good grades! 21. throw away all your clothes and then go outside and falling down luaghing! 22. drive your car backwards to the supermarket laughing all the way! 23. let squirells into your home by leaving crackers and the doors open! 24. pretend you are a celebrity and tell the man at the bank you want a milion dolla loan (also wear a tshirt that you wrote on in marker!)! 25. go to disneyworld and take a nap on all the rides! what do u guys do? Current Mood:  recumbentCurrent Music: 764-HERO - Blue Light |
| Sunday, November 21st, 2004 |
| 1:10 am |
I want to kill my computer
it makes me so mad! >: >: >: >: >: Current Mood: mr angryCurrent Music: anal cunt - your kid commited suicide because you suck |
| Thursday, November 11th, 2004 |
| 8:31 pm |
Everybody dancing now
Friday is my last day at work. Guess I need to look for another job or go back to shcool. I hope Monster has a listing for blowing the brains out of the back of your skull. I don't care what it pays. PS sorry again livejournal i promise to update you a good one soon! ;_; Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Whiskeytown - I Hope It Rains At My Funeral |
| Wednesday, October 27th, 2004 |
| 8:36 pm |
Vote YES on 666
Six days away. Some guy tried to run over Katherine Harris today in Sarasota but missed! Everyone is like OMG she could have been assassinated and I'm like "so?" I mean seriously, when are we going to have that revolution that they keep promising? Do we need to get it on the ballot? Vote yes on 666 for a violent, bloody revolution. Come on people! I want to hear bombs going off at night and walk past burnt out churches and step over dying white women in the streets. I want to see people barricaded up with guns inside the mall. I want to see the stock market crash and I want mass murder/suicides to occur as a result. I don't want a single corporate structure to remain opperational, if it has a logo that isn't spray-painted on I want to see it destroyed. I want to see police cars on fire and rioting in the streets. I want militant groups wearing black and green bandanas doing sweeps in affluant neighborhoods. The only Hummers I want to see on the street are ones filled with 6 or 7 men and a large .50 caliber turret gun. No more soccer moms in H2s. No more middle-aged white women getting in my way with their Bush 2004 signs and their 'Abortion is Murder' signs as I try to walk into my office. They should spend every remaining moment they are alive in mortal fear of their lives. Their multi-million dollar homes on the beach should be gutted and turned into barracks and fortresses for plotting our next move. I want the airwaves to all broadcast the "All is well" message over and over; the ones that we haven't taken over yet. I want panic and fear but not the kind that the Republicans are using for their campaign. I want fire and death and brutal beatings in broad daylight. Aren't you people sold on this yet?! Make it happen in 2004 you jerks! Current Mood: face punchingCurrent Music: punching time by the punch brothers |
| Monday, October 18th, 2004 |
| 8:40 pm |
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| Saturday, October 2nd, 2004 |
| 10:31 pm |
live from barf its saturday night barf
There are paw prints on my patio. I don't know what kind. It is still a wreck from the hurricane last week, construction materials are everywhere and i haven't cleaned anything up or fixed anything all week because I'm a jerk like that. I went out there just a little while ago becuase I needed to get some air after watching Eternal Sunshine by myself and I saw paw prints. I haven't talked to Josie in a week either and I don't really care. Maybe she was just a weird memory put in my head for the sequal to Eateranl Sunshine. :o!!! Watching movies by myself at night always leaves me feeling weird. She probably wouldn't get that movie either and ask me questions through it until im like "omg will u shut up :x" in my head. I'm getting iimpatient with living here now somedays and I want to move again and comtinue being a no account drifter and pretending it's the 40s and I'm a beat poet. I want to finish one of these damn scripts I'm writing and stop throwing them away and sell one but I don't know how. Places I am thinking of living: New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Chicago (again...). I probably won't have a job anyway after November and if I don't I think I want to leave but I don't know how. These people here aren't really my friends you know. Maybe they are, but they don't feel like it. We do the same things and talk about the same things. You can only talk so much about things that are never ever going to happen. They like Florida and like living here and aren't creative enough and Im not as smart or creative as i would like either. Florida is like an air conditioned balloon and its either in air conditioned houses or air conditioned bars or air conditioned cars. I just ate some chicken nuggets and put my plate in the sink. this journal is going on LIVE!! get it? LIVE-journal? hahaha. Tim gave me a T-shirt last night at the bar. it says Guiness on it. What a nice fellow. Then we played pool and made jokes about the 80's like always and then me and Jon made jokes about President Bussh and how's he's a big dummy and then also the new bartender girl there was looking real hott. With two t's. Sometimes she just looks okay and kinda grossout but yesterday she was hott. Josie didn't show up and I said 'good!' but she doesn't like that place anyway but Martin and Kris weren't there either and they're cool and he gives me ideas about making movies and stuff maybe Ill give soemone a call tonight but im feeling reclusive now and ill probably just watch sealab caus ei want to see the howling mad murphy episode real bad man, come on im fiending over here man and drink the last three beers in the fridge and sigh and stuff. ok catch ya later livejournal. Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: Dead Prez & Talib Kweli - Sharp Shooters |
| Sunday, September 19th, 2004 |
| 12:53 am |
Girls suck.
They're real ugly up close! Just look at them, it's sick! You can see their pores and they have oils and their make-up smells and it's all over their skin! They smell, their breath smells and they breathe it when they sleep with their smelly mouth open! They always want to use your toothbrush! And they have hair that gets in things and is on the sink and on pillows! They want to lay on your arm and it's like "get off me!" They chew food and eat gross things like ketchup! They make you go to weddings and stuff and dance and have to touch them in front of other people! They have a hard time speaking English when they get mad when they are from France so they sound like dummies! They want to raise daughters! They take pills and do drugs and drink alcohol and get drunk and act gross! They never want to watch the movies you like! They never "get" things! They swim in the pool and want you to get in at the same time! Yeah right not in the same water why dont i just put my whole mouth on you! They have to shave cause they are hairy monsters! They have to talk in a funny accent! They get real mad at things it's because they are unstable and bad bad people! They never have good ideas for you and get mad when you lay on the couch and watch movies all day because you are sad! They want to enjoy the day and go places! They probably have fleas or something I might believe it! I bet they like to eat kittens hearts and puppies! They have had people have sex with them! (Haha hope you like aids and babies cause thats how you get it from having sex you gross-outs!) They also have other problems! And they are sick! And I hate them! And a lot more other reasons but I'm so grossed out I have to puke! (Ohh they do that too it's real real gross!) Current Mood: grossouted!Current Music: Pixies - Debaser |
| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004 |
| 9:33 am |
I'M THICK
I AM STAYING HOME SICK FROM WORK TODAY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA But it's not as fun when you are really sick. I cough a lot and once i spit up brown stuff! :o and I have a fever and a sore throat and my node is all stussed up and other stuff. So it's not real goodtimes but i will get to watch lotsa tv and dvds which i havent seen in awhile (i miss u baby <3) cause of hurricanes knocking out my power and breaking stuff like total jerks who invited these guys? And I also get to have crazy fever dreams which are kinda kewl. I had one this morning where I was in the haunted mansion ride that they have over at disneyworld, except nothing was working right and the Vincent Price voice kept apologizing for everything saying stuff like "when that works it's REAL scary..." and "Normally it's supposed to light up and it looks much better that way" all in his Vincent Price-y voice. I liked that one. And then earlier I had another dream I can't remember as well but in it I had a fake beard and I was hanging upsidedown for a part of it (?). Whatever. Catch ya later livejournal! I promise to write something in you again soon! Current Mood: sickCurrent Music: barf |
| Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 |
| 7:49 pm |
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| Saturday, August 28th, 2004 |
| 5:31 pm |
Working weekends sucks
Man! Plus 12+ hour days for this week and the next week. It fries my brain and I can't even remember how stupid I was before because I am SO much more stupider now. All I can do now is watch a movie and drink a beer and fall asleep because I have to work again tomorrow and I'll all like "oh man!" but when my head comes back to normal I'll maybe write somehting next week i know youre all looking forward to that i imagine it must be tough not to laugh and laugh away the day thanks to my creativity but dont worry some day soon so dry your eyes. Current Mood: drainedCurrent Music: Pavement - Range Life |
| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004 |
| 9:02 pm |
Greatest TV show makers in the world
The channel Bravo is having a sitcom writing contest ( http://www.bravotv.com/Situation:_Comedy/) and I wanted to submit just a shitload of the most worlds greatest sitcom ideas ever, but you need to submit a sample script with it so I might not get all of them done in time. I got a couple friends working on some too (Hilary, Willy) we shure came up with some totally bitrrchen ideas this time guys give yourself a pat on the back for it and maybe we will win the ultimate prze and be famous hollywood hunks and babes :hat :hat :hat Here are our basic ideas that we made (if your interested in our ideas make a comment and maybe we'll give you a job or you can buy them or something ): "Straitghten Up and Fly Right" Starring Jim belushi or some fat guy as the dad. It's about this dad who is real strict and hes always yelling at the kids and he thinks his one son is gay (likes boys), hence the title. and he always triesd to make the boy straight by hitting him real hard and calling him names and stuff and the dad really hates ALL gays (and hes racsit but they dont always show that). But he is famous for his line "straighten up and fly right you fagot" and its full of real good laughs for the whole family. "The Handshake Clan" This is kinda a kids show. It's about kids who solve crimes as a group of special detectives but it's good because it teaches kids lessons for example all the kids in the handshake clan are different. There is the normal white kid, and a black kid, and a mexican, and a wheelchair, and a girl, and a retard, and an asian. And all the kids have their own specialites but when they work together they can get the job done. Like the black kid has the ability to go to the ghettos and understand other blacks and he can look like a criminal (to infiltrate the bad guys) and the girl can use her vagina to get information or drugs from a bad guy and she can have sex with people for revenge and the normal kid can be on the news when they get their man and he gets to give the interviews and stuff cause you cant understand the others. "Baby Quarterback" this is about a baby who gets signed by an nfl team (maybe the browns :\) and at first the team is all like "Oh no way" but later they grow to love him and he earns their trust. "Salute Your Shorts 2: Back to Oniwanna" is where all the kids go back to camp and donkeylips is the mayor of the town (they make camp oniwanna a town) and budslick is there it is gonna be great fun. "AIDS Plane" This is a dance show for MTV or w/e and its about this plane that has dance parties and all the girls have STDS but only one has AIDS and you guess which one and then find out when they do blood tests on the guys who did them (ps the guys dont know the girls have anything wrong with them). "President Puppy" (by Hilary!) okay itz about about thisi real cute puppy and it someohow wins the election cause it gets named john kerry and they think that it was really yhe dog caus ejohn kerry gets lost on election day in a jungle and they're like (the elecvtion people ) oh well find me another john kerry and they find the dog so it becomes presidetn. "Special Powers Man" (by Willy!) Theres a guy who gets hit by a radioactive car and gets special powers but they change everyweek, like one week he can jump 8 miles int he air and the next we his power is beating his wife with a broomstick handle accross the face. Oh yeah its a comedy kinda like the Tick. "The Greatest Love Story" (by Hilary!) Its abou this real nice girl shes in high school and shes also smart and one day shes outside palyin g soccerr cause shes the team captain and also all the boys have a crush on her but shes like "pfff" cause she knows she can have any boy and also that all boys are pervs that only want s*x, until one day shes playing soccer and this prince of australia is watchin gth egame and sees her and says "i must have hger" so he tries to woo her and it has a funny episode and serious ones where they have the 1st kiss etc. Ok there are more but I'm tired of writing these out. I'll add them to the comments later. Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: Velvet Underground - Heroin |
| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004 |
| 3:14 pm |
Sitting on my ass update 1
I went to Best Buy today, even though I hate that place and really think it's name is outdated since it's no longer the proverbial "best buy", actually it's overpriced and poorly stocked and staffed. But I needed some movies and Amazon has been yelling at me since I tried to pay with a overdrawn credit card. (Goddamit I should have bought a new mouse this thing is totally being a real butt, pardon my french) The entire comedy section at Best Buy is all teen movies (American Pie!! The kids try to have sex with hilarious results and they show some boobs! >_<) and that blue collar comedy shit. Serioulsy, they had like one section for Jeff Foxworthy and one section for funnyman Larry the Cable Guy and so on for all those other unfunny hicks. (Fart, get it? I'm trying out for the next blue collar comedy tour. "Hey you guys like to eat beans beans the musical fruit? godbless ameirca") And the TV show dvds they have there are horribly overpriced. I found a copy of Freaks and Geeks for $65 and it made me laugh because it was so terribly expensive. Oh no, not laugh, it made me mad becasue I wanted to buy it but I'm not taking out a mortgage for Freaks and Geeks. But I did get Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (evil robot us'es :eek) and Life of Brian for $10 each. And I ran across a copy of Cannibal! The Musical on a bottom shelf for $15 so I got that. I've been putting that one off since it's like $25 on Amazon and I've already seen it twenty or so times, but I'll take it for 15 bucks. I still hate Best Buy though. And what's with everyone under 28 years of age being a wigger now? I felt like I was at an Eminem concert in Iowa. White kids everywhere with bling necklaces and wife-beaters (clean wigger ones not stained white trash ones) or fubu jerseys and the johnny hard ass white rappa look on their face (where you suck in your cheeks and push out your bottom lip). And and and the kid behind me in line was buying You Got Served on DVD. I saw him put it down on the counter and I looked up half expecting to see one of my friends making some hilarious joke but it was a straight up gangsta representin for S-town. It must be tough being in a gang in Sarasota, where the median family's salary is like $70,000 a year and our black population is under 10%. The hard streets, on the beach in front of million dollar houses. Why aren't we sending these people off to war? Sadly my sitting on my ass time is going to be cut slim in the next couple weeks since it's getting to crunch time (or as I like to call it Shaquile O'Neil's Slam Fest) at work. Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: Pedro the Lion - Criticism as Inspiration |
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stabbyappleton's journal
